This post reviews imagery from this entry in my dream journal maboroshi no yume.
The resort hotel in my first dream is probably inspired by the Terranea Resort, which is outside Los Angeles. Here's a photo of the entrance of the Terranea Resort, from TripAdvisor.
I went to Los Angeles in December of 2014. I had to go out there for one day for business. But I stayed out there for two more days for a sort of vacation. I somehow got a really good price on the Terranea Resort. The resort is a ways out from Los Angeles. The traffic was always bad. It was usually a three-hour round-trip each day. But the resort property was huge and beautiful. Here are some pictures from my trip.
I had an unbelievably good setup for the first two nights I was at the resort. I had been put in one of their "bungalows," these suites set apart from the rest of the hotel in small buildings. It was almost like having a little cabin to myself.
However, some people at the Terranea seemed to be angry at the fact that I was in this space. So they kind of made a point of doing some weird stuff. In particular, on my second night at the resort, they seriously had a party right in front of my door. They ended up leaving all these broken bottles of booze in front of my door. The liquor was all over the balcony in front of my place the next morning. And this mess led to some other issues that made it so I had to get moved from the little cabins into a room in the larger hotel building.
This -- keep in mind -- was in December of 2014. So I'm not saying it's a problem with the Terranea nowadays. But it was definitely a problem when I was there.
So the "two guys" in my dream that I fear will see me go into the resort and then make trouble for me while I'm in there are definitely the guys who skulked around at the Terranea, angry at my presence in one of the "good" cabins, who then messed up my time there and made it so I had to leave the cabin.
There are some personal reasons why this image from three and a half years ago popped up in my dream. One is that I've been kind of digging back into the past recently as I'm kind of making some changes in my professional life. So I think this experience refreshed itself in my memory. It's pretty easy for the experience to take on the power of some of my present life experiences.
But I also think this image popped up in my dream because last night while I was out at a local restaurant called Hamburger Mary's I saw the MV for "New Rules" by Dua Lipa.
Of course, this MV takes place in The Confidante resort in Miami. And I think I just translated this resort into my memory of the resort in Los Angeles. (Image from TripAdvisor.)
But the MV also reminds me a lot of a university dormitory. All of the drama in the MV feels like the drama in a college dorm. And I think my confusion over all of that is what made the space of my fourth dream so confused. Was it a children's daycare? Was it a dormitory? Was it an apartment complex? Was it an office space? Or are all of those places different by very much? My dream may seriously have been asking if there's a difference.
I've had lots of dreams in my life where I'm ascending steeply. In some dreams I'm in a space shuttle or flying up into the air or into space. But in other dreams I'm walking up a sidewalk or a mountain path that suddenly becomes incredibly steep. And occasionally I'll dream that I'm driving up a steep hill. But I don't think I've ever ascended upwards in a tunnel, like in my first dream from last night. Strange combination of ascension and a subterranean feeling.
I really can't say where the tunnel image came from. But the entrance to the tunnel definitely came from this review of the video game The Giana Sisters Christmas on Lazy Game Reviews' YouTube channel.
In The Giana Sisters Christmas each level apparently ends with something like the entrance to a cave. And this is basically what inspired the tunnel entrance image in my dream. But I'm not sure what inspired the tunnel itself.
I have been watching a lot of Lazy Game Reviews on YouTube. And I think that binge-watching has influenced a lot of my dreams.
So... the hollowed-out CPU in my second dream probably comes from LGR as well. It could come from quite a number of videos where Clint opens up a CPU. But I think it particularly comes from this LGR review of the Diamond S3 Savage4 Pro+ graphics card from the 1990s.
In this review, Clint opens up a CPU and, chuckling, sarcastically remarks on the "lovely cable management from late nineties Packard Bell."
In my dream the CPU was black and the wires were red and blue. Obviously the wires are meant to be veins and arteries in my dream.
I'm honestly still puzzled as to why the imagery of the sea anemone-like flesh appeared in my dream. (Image below from Wikipedia.)
The leg surgery imagery makes sense on a number of levels. For me personally, the leg imagery relates to some leg and hip issues I'd started having a month or so ago. For a couple different reasons, starting in October of 2017, I'd fallen into the habit of falling asleep in my lazy chair. I would then wake up and go to bed in my bed.
I think the sleeping in my lazy chair was really messing with my hips. My hips were really starting to hurt whenever I sat for too long. But as soon as I stopped the habit of sleeping in my lazy chair, my hip problems went away.
However, those hip issues made me realize that I am, in fact, getting older. I'm having problems, like hip problems, that I'd never had before in my life. Coming to terms with bodily issues like that is, I think, part of coming to terms with the fact that I am not forever for this world.
However, I think the hip issues were also related to my weight. And while I'm definitely not overweight by any means, I gained about 25 pounds in the middle of last year that I haven't been able to lose, and it seems like my body still hasn't been able to get along with that extra weight. I always feel weird issues I can only think of as "stretchy" issues related to that extra body weight.
But another thing I've dealt with over the past year is vascular issues. The vascular issues probably have to do with weight and with bad eating -- probably bad eating more than weight.
But they also have a lot to do with stress. There were some times last year where my work situation stressed me out so much that I seriously had chest pains, neck pains, etc., that felt like vascular problems.
One day in particular was so bad that -- the only way I can describe it is... for one or two days afterward, I seriously felt like the arteries around my heart had been blown up, stretched out, like when you blow up a balloon.
So I think a lot of the leg imagery relates to all of that stuff. And partly I think the sea anemone-like flesh relates to my anxiety over... whatever... something like the fatty deposits I fear exist in my body. So I'm trying to pull all that fat out of my body in the dream.
But I'm also pretty sure that image of cutting my leg open and pulling at some fleshy fringes probably relates to women masturbating. The anemone fringes may stand for labia. But I really think they stand for the clitoris.
Considering that a lot of times when I masturbate, I imagine myself as a woman, I'm probably trying in my dream to imagine myself with a clitoris. But my dream gives me a ton of clitorides.
I'm not sure... But it seems like my dream is saying something about my sexual complexes. I'm trying to... I don't know... Do the ultimate masturbation, where... let's say, I "scissor" (???) so hard that I tear out all the orgasms (clitorides) I'll ever need.
Free of all that sexual burden, I anticipate, I'll be able to move around, or operate, in the world much better. But I can only do so after I've shoved my leg into the CPU -- i.e. after I've sort of turned myself into a robot. But my identity would still be mine, since my foot comes through one of the empty disk drive holes in the CPU.
So basically there's this wish for me to operate on myself, pull out all the sexual desire I might have for the rest of my life, and make myself into some sort of machine, because I feel that will help me function better in the world.
But as soon as I perform this operation on myself, I realize that I've basically hollowed myself out. I reflect that a hollow body isn't a natural body. And I feel like I've possibly injured myself. But I also try to convince myself that it's actually natural for a body to be hollowed out, and that I didn't do a bad thing by basically tearing flesh out of myself.
I feel like there are some more levels I could discuss here. But I've probably gone on too long already. So I'll leave things here.
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