Thursday, June 14, 2012

dressing in drag in drag

Good morning, everybody.

This post is related to this entry in my dream journal.

I think I'd like to start with the second dream, because it's so easy for me to see where the actual imagery came from.

Yesterday I was looking at the Dust Jacket Attic blog, which showed some really nice photos of the BCBG Max Azria Resort 2013 collection.

One of the photos the blog showed was this one:

Notice the v-shape to the top. I really liked this shape. I think my dreaming mind exaggerated it.

Also, while watching YouTube, I came across the video below, for the song called "Baby Cruising Love," by the Japanese pop group Perfume:

You can see in how in the video the girls are wearing really soft, cream-white fabrics.

Also, yesterday I watched a video on the FashionTVHot channel on YouTube showing clips from the Salon de la Lingerie in Paris. There is a girl at 1:29 in this video who looks like an adult version of the younger girl I imagined would come "sweep me off my feet" in my dream.

The clothing the young girl is wearing in the dream definitely comes from the color of this BCBG dress, also shown on Dust Jacket Attic.

But I think the "tie-dyed" pattern definitely comes from some of the patchy patterning in the lingerie in the video above.

There were some more difficult aspects about the imagery in the dream. The first was the "shoes," which were like big, satiny bows. This image, actually, comes from the movie Maid's Secret, which I watched a couple nights ago.

The "maid" in the movie is actually a cosplay maid who works in a "Maid Cafe" in Akihabara. A part of the maid costume is a big bow or ribbon, displayed on the chest. The maid's loss of, and then search for, the ribbon basically leads to a pretty awful rape scene. During the rape scene, the maid's panties get shoved down one of her legs, almost down to the maid's foot.

I think my mind took the bow, as a symbol of submissiveness, and relocated it from my chest to my feet, where the maid's panties were as she'd been raped. I'm obviously wearing a weird transvestite costume. It looks like a man's tuxedo. But my feet, my shoes, are showing the feminine/submissive side I am trying to display by being a transvestite.

Carl Jung says that shoes can be seen (not all the time, but sometimes) as a symbol for socialization. Our feet are where we connect with the world. And our shoes are like the social aspect we employ in ourselves to protect ourselves from the full forces of nature and the world. So even though my "transvestite" costume in the dream looks like a tuxedo, where I'm finally connecting with the world, I'm a submissive maid.

But why the tuxedo in the dream? Well, last night I finished reading Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express. Two plot elements (I don't think I'll spoil anything for anybody) are a red kimono and a railway conductor's outfit.

It's eventually understood that the railway conductor's outfit had probably been worn by a woman. So the woman had been dressed up as a man. She'd been a transvestite, in other words.

The kimono is an elegant piece of clothing, much like the tuxedo. So I think I condensed the image in my mind of a kimono and a railway conductor's outfit to make a tuxedo. So, when I look at myself in the mirror, I'm seeing, apparently, myself, as a woman, dressing in drag, so that I look like a man. But my feet show that I really am a woman. And, underneath my tuxedo, I'm still wearing a dress.

But I think the reason I ran with the image of the female transvestite from Orient Express is that it kind of counters the anxiety I had from watching the rape scene in Maid's Secret. I think I liked the idea in Orient Express of some woman dressing up as a man and killing a man who had caused her so much grief in the past. It seemed like the woman needed to take up some sort of masculine aspect in order to get control of the situation.

So I think I, in need of some control as well, allowed the transvestite part of myself to "dress in drag" and look like a man, so that I could get some control over a situation. But I'm not sure. That analysis seems a little shaky. I might be reading a little too much into stuff.

I don't want to get too much into my other dreams, now that I've spent so much time on this dream. For the third dream, I'd say that the "gash" the man receives also comes from Orient Express, where the man murdered has been gashed twelve times.

But the gash being on the nose makes me think of the expression "nose out of joint." That means, of course, that someone's been offended. Usually it means someone's been offended by something they probably shouldn't have been offended so easily by. The fact that the man is overworked and exhausted and then he gets his "nose out of joint" is all a statement about me personally.

For the first dream, the spaceflight dream, the only thing I'll say right now is that I had another dream, only a few nights ago, where my spaceflight had been delayed. That dream also started with me flying around in a space capsule, then landing. And in that dream I was, again, delayed by a man who was something like a supervisor to me, and who said I wasn't ready for a spaceflight yet.

I'm not sure what the meaning is to all that. But it's interesting that the themes repeated themselves so plainly.

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